The Great Quest to Save Bowser from Himself!
by HBMmaster
Summary: Welcome to TGQTSBFH! I already have this on YouTube, and I decided that it would be a good idea to upload it to FanFiction. I don't own anything in the fic, btw. kthxbai, HBMmaster
1. World 1-1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fanfic. At all. You probably knew that...**

Presenting: _The "Great" Quest to Save Bowser from Himself!_

"Master Mario! Master Mario!"

An old man's voice calls throughout the hills. James Toadsworth, the butler of Princess Peach Toadstool, was approaching the house of Mario M. Mario. He had some... shocking, to say the least... news.

"Toadsworth? What are you doing here?"

"Bowser has kidnapped himself, so now he can't kidnap the princess anymore, Master Mario!"

Mario was confused by this. He was under the impression that if Bowser stopped kidnapping the princess, then their goal would finally be achieved!

"I thought that was a good thing!"

"No, Master Mario, it's a bad Bowser stops kidnapping the princess, then we won't have a video game franchise anymore!"

This led to further confusion. "What's a video game franchise?"

Toadsworth had forgotten that Mario couldn't understand words and phrases any longer than two syllables. He tried to explain what this was in Mario's terms.

"Um... if you don't have a video game franchise anymore, then people won't love you anymore, Master Mario."

"Mama mia! I've got to save-a Bowser from-a Bowser!"

_ADVENTURE START_

Mario ran around the Mushroom Kingdom wildly, as if he had problems of some sort. He then stopped for a moment to come up with a plan of what exactly he should do.

"Hmm..." thought Mario, "Idea! I'll go ask my brother Luigi! He's a genius! surely he'll figure out what to do EEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH HHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!"

Mario was too busy flailing his arms while making strange noises to notice the two goombas who were watching him.

"Wow. That. Guy. Is. Insane."

"I know! I heard he hears voices inside his head that tell him what to do. He calls it 'Player'."

Just then, Mario noticed.

"Huh? squishy mushrooms!"

"Oh, poop."


	2. The Ladle

TWO DAYS PREVIOUSLY, BOWSER'S CASTLE

King Bowser Koopa the First was sitting in his castle, bored as usual.

"Ugh, I'm _so_ bored!" he complained.

"Why don't you just kidnap the princess again?" suggested Kamek, the royal Emouiator*.

"Because," explained Bowser, annoyed,"I _just_ kidnapped her _last week_!"

"Well, erm, have you considered kidnapping somebody else for a change?"

Bowser thought this was the funniest thing Kamek had ever said.

"You're so funny, Kamek!" lauged Bowser, "I should really keep you around!"

There was an awkward silence there.

"Oh," realized Bowser, "you're serious..."

"Yeah. I am." responded Kamek.

"But who else can I kidnap who has as much political power as Peach? I mean, the only other person in the entire Mushroom Kingdom with THAT much political power is... well... me! And I can't just kidnap my- wait a second, that gives me an idea!"

"You want to kidnap... _yourself_?"

"Yup! Just clone me a bunch of times so I'm well guarded and we should be fine!"

TWO DAYS LATER; MANSION LANE

Luigi F. Mario was alone in his mansion, relaxing, and enjoying the day.

"Ah, another awesome day in my own mansion!" Luigi exclaimed. "It sure is a good thing Mario isn't here to bother-"

Then, the doorbell rang.

"Luigi! Open up the door! Luigi! It's-a Mario! Luigi!" yelled a familiar voice.

"Oh, come on! Really?" Luigi was hoping not to have to deal with his brother today. Oh, well. He went to answer the door. "What do you want now, Mario?"

"Bowser's-a kidnapped himself so now he can't-a kidnap the princess anymore!"

"Oh, no! If Bowser stops kidnapping the princess then you won't have a video game franchise anymore, and I won't be in the next Smash Bros. game and I'll never see any of the other cool Nintendo characters ever again!" Luigi thought to himself.

"That's why we've got to save-a Bowser from-a Bowser!" Mario explained.

"Fine, I'll join your quest. You'll really need my intelligence, anyways!" Luigi said reluctantly.

LUIGI JOINED YOUR P-A-R-T-Y!

Mario thought for a moment to figure out what that spelled. "This is a party?" Luigi facepalmed. "Let's-a go!" Mario suggested.

"Bye, Ganondorf!" said Luigi, "See you in chapter seven!"

"What?"

That was when the Mario Brothers' quest truly began. They started onward.

"Well, now that I'm here, we can _really_ have some fun!" Luigi hinted. Just then, Rosalina appeared out of nowhere.

"Mario Brothers," said Rosalina, "before you start your great journey, I must-"

"Rosalina?" gasped Luigi, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm here to give you something that will be of great value on your quest." she responded.

"And what's that?"

"This," explained Rosalina, "is a magical ladle."

"Magic? I thought that was just a story you told to children to make them behave!"

"Ladles? I thought that was just a story you told to children to make them stir soup!"

"Yes, both actually do exist, even though many have forgotten..." stated Rosalina.

"Actually, I knew that ladles existed the entire time." corrected Luigi, "It's just that I have trouble believing that that particular ladle is magic!"

"It contains all of the magic in the entire universe. It's why there hasn't been any magic in the universe since the year 1472." Rosalina explained.

"Well, that makes sense!" Luigi concluded.

"So, what does it do?" asked Mario.

"Almost everything imaginable!"

"Well, can I have it?" asked Luigi, impatiently.

"Of course!" said Rosalina, promptly giving the ladle to Mario.

"I said _I_ wanted the ladle!" Luigi corrected.

Mario laughed. "I got the ladle!" he said in a singsong tone. Suddenly, the ladle disappeared out of Mario's hand! "Where'd it go?"

"I forgot to mention," realized Rosalina, "whenever you say that you have the ladle, it teleports into the possession of the person who hates you most."

"But nobody hates-a Mario!" argued Mario. Suddenly, the ladle appeared into Luigi's hand.

"Ha! Who has the ladle _now_, huh?" bragged Luigi, "I do- oh, poop." The ladle disappeared out of Luigi's hand. "Well, this is unfortunate." Luigi concluded.

MEANWHILE IN BOWSER'S CASTLE

"It's so hard stirring this soup with a pencil!" Bowser sighed, "I just wish that I could have some kind of large spoon, preferably one specifically designed to stir soup, maybe?" Just then, the ladle suddenly appeared into Bowser's hand. Bowser gasped. "A ladle?" He looked at the ladle excitedly. "Now I can do my taxes!"

_*Emouiator in the Koopa native tongue means "Idiot"._

**A/N: This chapter is quite a bit longer than the last one. Whatever, I guess they'll just keep getting longer from here...**_  
_


	3. NOW IN HD! (Wait, what?)

_Previously on TGQTSBFH..._

"I'm bored! I'm going to kidnap myself!"

"Bowser has kidnapped himself!"

"I'm going to save him! Luigi! We need to save Bowser from himself!"

"Okay!"

"This is a ladle!"

"Ladle!"

"Insert joke here!"

"We must find the ladle now for absolutely no reason whatsoever!"

* * *

"We seriously do need to find that ladle," Luigi stated, as the flashback had wasted too much time that could have just as well been used for adventuring.

"I've got an idea!" exclaimed Mario, who had recently gotten an idea.

_Later, in Mario's house..._

"_This_ was your idea?" asked Luigi, shocked. He could not believe how incredibly stupid Mario's idea was!

"It's the best way to find anything! Looking at old baby videos!"

"Um... okay... I guess..." Luigi realized a long time ago that the only way to get anything done was by doing what Mario did. It sure seemed to work for Mario, anyway. Mario placed a VHS tape in his VCR, ready to start the memories.

"Why are we watching this on tape?" asked Luigi, "I have a DVD copy of this, you know!"

"Okay. We can watch that."

Luigi inserted the disc labeled "BABiES" into the DVD player, ready to start the memories.

* * *

"Well, Mrs. Mario, you are now the mother of two very healthy- erm, two baby boys!" exclaimed the doctor on the TV screen. His name was Doctor Storkington, and it was his job to deliver babies. This DVD apparently started shortly after what he would call a "job well done".

"Sweet potato! I'm a mommy!" Mary Mario shouted, shortly before passing out.

_Later..._

"I think she'll need some time, Frank," Doctor Storkington stated nonchalantly.

"That's fine. She's probably just in shock," responded Frank Mario. He probably meant to say "she's probably just shocked," but Doctor Storkington decided not to correct him.

"Well, what do you want to name them?" The babies had not yet been named, and now was as good of a time as any to do so.

"Well..."

"_Suprise attack!__" _called an all-too-familiar voice. It was the voice of a reptile Doctor Storkington had met far too many times.

"Darn you, Kamek! Why do you always insist on kidnapping babies from here?"

"Lord Bowser demands it!" Kamek responded.

"Isn't he like three years old or something like that?" Doctor Storkington questioned.

Lamek did not listen. _"I'm sure these babies are actually the right ones this time! I can feel it!"_ he though as he left the hospital.

"Don't worry, Frank, I'll get those babies back to you!"

Frank, however, was not listening, as he had a lot in common with his wife. Namely, he was passed out on the floor. There is a lot to say about the OC, Frank Mario, but that must be saved for another chapter.

"Yes, one of these babies will grow up to become the one to kill Lord Bowser when he's older!" Kamek thought to himself, flying away from the hospital on his broom, "But which one can it be? Only DNA analysis can tell!" Just then, Kamek dropped one of the two babies. However, he didn't know which one he dropped. That's going to be important later, so remember that. "Oops! Well, that probably wasn't the right one anyways! Heh. Heh." Kamek sighed.

_Later, in Baby Bowser's Castle..._

"Kamek! Do you have the baby?" asked a young King Koopa, misspelling every word, which the autor coreckted four you're conveenience.

"Yes! Also, I am 85-and-a-half percent sure that this is the right one!" responded the Emouiator.

"Good! I'm tired of waiting!"

"Let me just run a DNA test here... Aha! Yes It's- wait, no, it's just a close relative."

"Just a close relative? How close?"

"Well, most likely a..." Kamek paused for a second there, as he realized that he had made a terrible mistake. "...identical twin! I threw the real one off my broom!

"Kamek! You silly little nugget you-"

"It's kind of strange how much more footage of Bowser there is on these baby videos than there is of us, don't you think?" lampshaded Luigi, who was still watching these events on a baby tape.

"But he's so much more fun to film!" exclaimed Luigi's mother.

"Mom! What are you doing here?!"

"Well..." Mrs. Mario went on to explain how she had attempted to enter Luigi's mansion to pay him a visit, but a giant claw had picked her up and taken her to the house next door. "I spent hours looking for you, until I saw you and your brother walk outside from the house next door, and I realized I'd been tricked!"

"Meh. Whatever."

* * *

"Seriously, though, Kamek! We need to kill that baby!"

"I've got an idea! I was flying over Yoshi's Island when I dropped the baby! Due to the low gravity of this game universe, he's probably still falling! I could shoot him dead!"

"Now you're talking! Seriously, those words are about as mean as your face!"

"Oooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"First, throw him out the window! I don't like him."

_For reasons unexplained to me,_

_This part is narrated with poetry._

_After an unbelievable amount of being in the sky,_

_The baby's fall was broken by that random guy._

_How this happened, It's not clear to me._

_It's not like _I_ made this FanFic thing!_

_Young Mario, who was still just a baby,_

_Somehow bounced off the plot device! How crazy!_

_Then, impatiently, Bowser said:_

_"I want him dead, Kamek! I want him dead!"_

_Then, for no reason, the RPG_

_Exploded the Super Happy Tree._

_Only Kamek, with his horrible aim_

_Could play such a nasty rotten game._

"Darn it, Kamek! You missed!" complained Bowser.

"I'm very sorry, Lord Bowser, it's just that-"

"It doesn't matter. I have a new scheme. FIGURING OUT WHAT THIS IS!" Bowser replied, pulling out a large spoon.

The Mario Brothers, who were still watching this via a recording, both gasped, and said, "Baby Bowser has the ladle!"

TO BE CONTINUED

IN CHAPTER FOUR: NOW WITH BABIES

* * *

**AN: Just so you know, if you want to see the stories before they end up here, you can check out The Great Quest to Save Bowser from Himself! (TGQTSBFH) on YouTube.**


	4. NOW WITH BABIES!

**A/N:** **This chapter was mostly written by my friend and co-producer of TGQTSBFH, Doctor Storkington.**

**Also, the YouTube version of this chapter came out in January.**

**I like to procrastinate.**

"We must go back in time to retrieve the ladle from Bowser's younger self!" observed Luigi.

"But how are we going to do that?"

"We must find the smartest person in the Mushroom Kingdom… besides me!" Luigi always was slightly vain.

"Is it me?"

"No, it's Dr. Storkington, you idiot."

"Potatoes!"

"Well, um, that was extremely relevant to his conversation." Luigi said sarcastically.

**LATER...**

* * *

"Well, we couldn't find Storkington in his house, the coffee shop, in his house, or the coffee shop. Meh, I need to use the bathroom; I drank too much coffee." Just when Luigi was entering the bathroom, he saw Dr. Storkington! "Erm, Dr. Storkington, why are you here?"

"Carrots!" interupted Mario.

"Miyamoto, you're on a roll in this chapter!"

"Well," explained Dr. Storkington, "I had the sudden urge to convert your bathroom into a time machine! **SO I DID**."

"Wow, that's almost exactly what I wanted you to do… except… not in the… erm… water closet."

"What do you mean?"

**ONE EXPLANATION LATER...**

* * *

"We've wasted too much time in the present; it's time to go to the past to retrieve the plot dev-I mean ladle!"

Just then, Mario's ADHD kicked in, and he decided to press a big red button.

"No, Mario! Don't touch that! That's the…"

The time machine-bathroom then went into the past,taking the Mario Brothers with it.

"…activator. Oh well, wonder where Luigi keeps all his money!"

**MEANWHILE, IN THE WIBBLY WOBBLY TIMEY WHIMEY STUFF...**

"HAHAHA! It's funny because it's a reference to a popular British sci-fi comedy television series!" said an anonymous reader, who liked to point out references, because they are very funny.

**OKAY, ACTUAL TRANSITION NOW...**

* * *

"I never expected the time-space continuum to look like this…" said Luigi. Of course, he didn't really know what he expected the time-space continuum to look like anyways. But whatever it was, he definitely didn't think it would look like some crudely drawn scribbles under various Photoshop effects.

"Puppies... are... adorable!" Mario observed.

"You're just all over the place in this chapter, aren't you?"

**MEANWHILE, THIRTY YEARS EARLIER...**

* * *

"We need to figure out what this is! Let's consult my dictionary!" said a young Bowser Koopa, mispronouncing almost every word. He then proceeded to acquire his trusty dictionary, the 1981 edition of _A Young Person's Guide to Farm Animals and their Associated __Onomatopoeia (Now with detailed coloured photographs!)_ in search for the name of the utensil he had recently found, which was, in fact, a ladle. He did not know this, so, dictionary.

"It's not in here!" said Bowser, frustrated.

"Maybe we should look in _A Young Person's Guide to Farm Animals and their Associated Onomatopoeia!_" suggested Kamek. He was sure it would be more useful than the dictionary he was currently using, and sincerely hoped that it wasn't, in fact, the very dictionary he was currently using.

"That's brilliant! I'm glad I thought of it!" Bowser replied.

"But, sir…" the Emouiator complained.

"Shut up." Bowser said. At least, he tried to say that. Unfortunately for him, he was unable to pronounce either of those words correctly, and he instead said "shout oop".

"Oop, oop, oop!" Kamek shouted.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm shouting oop, sir! Your orders!"

"Kamek, shout "oop"! You're derailing the plot!"

Wait, plot?

"Oop, oop, oop!"

Suddenly, a time machine conveniently just sort of showed up and ruined everything Bowser and Kamek were doing.

"Wha- wha- a... time machine?"

"We've come from the future to stop you from using that magic ladle!" shouted Luigi, glad to finally get some things done around here.

"Oh, so it's a magic ladle!" said Bowser, relieved. He was very glad to not have to bother looking in dictionaries to find out what it was.

"Aw great, now it'll- wait, why didn't the ladle vanish?"

"Maybe pronunciation counts?"

"Wow, um, that's the smartest thing you've said all series!"

"Zucchini!"

"And… there we go again. Poop."

"Hmmm, maybe if use my magic ladle to destroy their time machine, they'll go back to wherever they came from!" thought Bowser, out loud.

"No! Your tiny baby mind can't possibly understand the power of the ladle!"

Then, Baby Luigi showed up and took the ladle and somehow used it to create the Narrator.

**I'm the Narrator!**

Bowser then proceeded to steel the ladle back form the infant.

"Now, I think that fat guy over there," said Bowser, pointing to Mario, "is the great hero who will kill me! So YOOOOOOU..."

"Oop, oop, oop, oop- hey, you might be right!" said Kamek, being useful for once.

"Shout "oop", Kamek!"

"Oop, oop, oop!"

"Now, I will blast you into oblivion!"

Just then, a red-clad infant broke in on the backs of several yoshis. The yoshis then proceeded to eat Kamek.

**Kamek nom!**

Hey, narrator. Could you just _not_ do that? Thanks.

"Oh, darn it, now I have to make a new Kamek!"

"Over the course of my dadventure, I am learn how to speak the Engrish language very goodly!" announced Baby Mario.

"No you didn't Mario, you're only two weeks old!" corrected Baby Luigi. "Erm, what are those anyway?"

"Well, you see," said one of the yoshis, "We are the Crazy Yoshi family, the only crazy-exclusive family of  
yoshis that are crazy! Over there is my nephew, Crazy Yoshi..."

"Wowshi!"

"...The one who screams "pineapple" is my brother, Crazy Yoshi's Dad..."

"PINEAPPLE!"

"...He has a disorder. Tragic, isn't it? Anyways, the old-man-yoshi you see there is my father, Crazy Yoshi's Dad Father..."

"Pleasure to meat you, youngin'!"

"...And I am known as Crazy Yoshi's Dad's Father's Son."

"I can't take it any more! It's time to end this!" yelled Bowser.

"PINEAPPLE!"

That's it! I have had it with this bubble-flinging randomness in this bubble-flinging series!" Bowser screamed, before blasting the time machine with the ladle oh and this is what the reference:

"It's funny because it's a reference to a film whose title leaves no guesses as to what it's about!"

Right.

That guy.

"No, you fool! I… actually have no idea what that does…" admitted Luigi.

"Maybe it opens a rift in space-time!" suggested Mario.

"Intelligence test score: Mario: 2, a new all-time personal record!"

"My toaster oven is on fire!"

"You don't own a toaster oven…"

"Then, what's this?" Mario said, holding up a toaster oven which was, in fact, on fire.

**But as the Mario brothers argued about Mario's toaster oven, or lack thereof, the rift in space time became so large that it pulled in the brothers!**

"It's too strooooooooooooooong!" Luigi yelled.

"Do you want mustard with thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" responded Mario.

"No, not the ladle!" yelled Bowser.

**But the ladle was pulled into the vortex, and exploded, unexpectedly, sending the magic back to its rightful place in the universe!**

**MEANWHILE, IN KANSAS...**

* * *

Yeah, that's all I got.

**MEANWHILE, FIVE MONTHS LATER, IN THE WIBBLY WOBBLY TIMEY WHIMEY STUFF...**

* * *

"It's been five months Mario," said Luigi, strroking his chin, "But- we haven't grown any facial hair at all."

"You know, Luigi, even though its actually been five months, it feels like it's only been a few seconds."

**At that moment, the time portal dropped them out in a monochromatic wasteland!**

"I definitely see two colors here..." Luigi replied.

**A dual-chromatic wasteland.** **Dramatic exit music!**


End file.
